The Mad Monster Surrenders

Inside my head it’s like a war that no one can see. There’s no escape from the noise, nothing to dull the pain.

Some days I feel like maybe I can get on top of it if I just work hard enough.

I push hard to squash that loud voice that tells me I’ll fail. I aim high, push hard, think positive.

How lucky I am to have wonderful friends and family who support me. But most of the time I feel like the battle is already lost and I’m waving my white flag to surrender because the thought of continuing to fight is just too exhausting.

I question every person, every friendship. Am I a burden? I’m so difficult to be around why would anybody love me? Are people just being nice because they’re scared of the consequences if they’re not?

I feel paranoid all the time, like I can’t trust anyone. I’m alone. I’m better off alone and they are better off without me.

By the Mad Monster

August 10, 2018

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